Friday, July 6, 2012


Regrets collect like old friends
here to relive your darkest moments...
... It's hard to dance with the Devil on your back.
                                                                                  -Florence + The Machine

I have a lot of regrets in my young lifetime. Shy and reserved in my youth, I tried my best not to draw attention to myself. Fitting in was my goal. I hid from opportunities. Standing out for any reason, good or bad, terrified me. I was always unsure whether or not I should speak my mind. I didn't stand up for people when I should have. I had dreams, but was too scared to reach for them.

Then one day, I realized I couldn't live this way anymore. Something had to change. I could be better. I could do more. I have the potential. It's in there, somewhere. I knew it. The person I wanted to be was aching to be let out...

As I grew older, I grew stronger. I realized that I didn't know what was holding me back because, well, nothing was. My biggest enemy was me, cowering behind a safe wall of familiarity.

That's when I stopped hiding. I stopped waiting for opportunities to find me, only for me to cowardly pass them up. Instead, I sought them out. I hunted them down. And when I didn't like the terms given, I'd change them until I did. I made myself known.

I now walk into a room with purpose. I do my job with strength and integrity. I look out for those around me. I surround myself with very good people and forget the rest.

I got tired of keeping my true self locked away within me. I got tired of all the missed opportunities. I got tired of all the regrets. And it took me too long before I finally had the courage to do something about it. Sometimes I wonder where I'd be if I hadn't hidden myself from the world for so long.

But I do not regret not coming out of my shell sooner. My decisions in the past, whether they were mistakes or not, formed the path that has led me to where I am today.

And where I am now is pretty damn awesome.


D said...

Good for you. I was much the same way and still am very socially awkward at times. I don't like crowds. I have to force myself to introduce myself to people the first day, but I learned long ago that you can't live in a shell.

C.B. said...

Same path. Nice writing.

Michael Taylor said...

Beautiful post. Wherever we are in life represents the then-current sum total of all our past experiences -- good and bad. We learn from our mistakes and move on.

Having followed your blog from the beginning, it's great to see that you've arrived at such a good place.

Awesome indeed. Congratulations...

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