My Gamble: Update.

 

The previous post was a journal entry from years ago, and the follow up to it is that yes, I felt lost during those five months. And I was miserable at work. But I did make the right choice in going. 

As adrift as I was during that time, not knowing where I fit in with the local crew, it was definitely an opportunity of a lifetime and I would have regretted it had I not taken it. Travelling while working was something I thought would be so fun when I was a kid and honestly, that was part of the appeal for me in joining this industry. I wanted to travel and make movies and get paid for it so I did this for childhood me. I can spend the rest of my career doing TV shows in LA, but at least I can say that, if only for a little while, I had my dream career.

I also not only got to experience a difference culture, but I got to fully immerse myself in it for a few months. I learned how to live in a different country on my own (maybe with a little help from production) and travel around in that country on my own (we won't talk about the time I boarded the wrong train). I learned (parts of) a new language that I still swear in from time to time. 

I met new people and forged new relationships that lasted well past the expiration date of the job. One in particular, after surviving the hurdle of keeping in touch after the show ended, I hoped would last a lifetime. Instead, it was disappointment after disappointment before it's abrupt and heartbreaking end. But I still don't regret it. It was what it was and I'm grateful for the good times we did have.

I guess that's kind of the takeaway from all of it. During those five months, I did feel lonely. I did feel lost. I felt useless at work. I felt like an outsider most of the time. But there were pockets of good times. Great memories. I'll have stories to tell for years. Insights that others may never get. Once in a lifetime experiences. My childhood dream was fulfilled. 

Despite sometimes being unhappy there and some things falling apart when I got back, I don't regret going. I made the right choice. Otherwise I would've spent the rest of my life wondering "what if..." and to me, that's worse than anything that could've happened...