Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Things That Suck, Part 1.*

(I'm taking a cue from D this week...)

In no particular order:

- Bathrooms that are right next to set. As in, you're trapped in the bathroom and can't flush because they're rolling.

- Breakfast isn't served yet because you have a pre-call and by the time you catch a break, catering has already stopped serving.

- People who put chairs in doorways, and when they see you heading towards the door carrying something big and heavy, they scooch over... but are still in their seat. The chair's still in the way, asshole. Sliding your butt to the left or the right doesn't negate the fact the chair hasn't moved.

- Departments who insist on wrapping up the stingers they borrow, not because they're trying to be nice, but because they're trying to prove they can do it right. Guess what? You can't. The loops are too big/too small/it's backwards and/or "over-under."

- Departments who "borrow" stingers without asking, use them in some far corner of the set without telling anyone, and then leave them there at the end of the night.

- The guy who's there for one day and wins Five Dollar Friday.

- 9am calltime way across town.

- 5pm wraps way across town.

- That one guy from that one department that bugs you for a stinger every time you're in the middle of a major set up. And no, it can't wait. And yes, he's going to bug you every 30 seconds about it.

- Sloooow service elevators.

- Gaffers who change their mind about the same damn light five times.

- Unexpected rain when you're out on location.

- Shooting at a house on a steep hill with an equally steep driveway.

- Overloaded carts with a broken brake and a flat tire.

- When 2nd meal gets there the second they call wrap.

- When Locations can't figure out how to turn off the sprinkler system.

- Carrying a full roll of tape on your belt.

- Getting mistaken for a P.A.

- The equipment delivery you've been waiting all morning for finally arrives the second you sit down for lunch.

* Because we all know no post is long enough to list them all.  :)


Nathan said...

I'm curious if you're talking about a fire sprinkler head inside or a lawn sprinkler outside. I promise to come up with a smartassed answer for whichever it is.

Thanks you. :)

Ed (sloweddi) said...

Shoots on the fourth floor and the elevator has to be "saved" for the talent

Michael Taylor said...

An all day shoots on the 13th floor penthouse roof, sloshing through art department rain that finally breaks a 12 K lens -- then at wrap, the single small elevator breaks after make-up and sound get down, leaving us to carry two 12K heads, ballasts, stands+cable, and several HMI pars down the stairs to the truck...

Niall said...

*Hollywooding a 20x20 silk so the DP can see what if it's what he wants.

*Laying out a 500' run of 4/0 that by European 360 degree shooting magic is now in the shot.

*Northwest winter rain on a night shoot in October.

*A studio crank on uneven grass with an 18k.

A.J. said...

Nathan - Lawn sprinkler outside. Smartass away!

Ed - What??

Michael - Thank goodness make-up made it down first. We all know their stuff's the heaviest. :/

Niall - Hollywooding a 20x20??

Nathan said...

I do too know how to turn off the sprinklers;

-but the director wanted a wet-down and the UPM wouldn't spring for an Effects Dept.

-one of the P.A.'s has the key to the control box and he's on a run.

-the switch is in the room they made me set aside as a greenroom for the cast and one of them is having a meltdown in there.

-all of the equipment was dirty and needed to be hosed down anyway.

More excuses to follow if I think of them. :)

Ed (sloweddi) said...

The last time I worked at a studio (Paramount) they had us haul the un-nessesary sound equipment up to the 4th floor of a structure that had narrow stairs (probably made in the 1920's) and sit there with the equipment "just in case". The talent (lots of models) had the exclusive use of the only elevator. A great majority of my work in sound was "off the lot", building equipment and the occasional field install but on occasion when the equipment had to be watched (usually the one who pissed off the manager that week) one of us got the studio job.

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