Sometimes I wonder if it's all worth it.
Sometimes I'll sit around and think about old friends who aren't in this business. The ones who seem happy getting engaged, getting married and having kids. The ones who have a steady, predictable job that lets them have a life when they want to instead of working all hours of the day.
Sometimes I'll think about the older guys I work with. The ones who've been in this business for decades and are still doing the same job they were when they started. Will I still be "just a juicer" twenty or thirty years down the line? Some of them seem content (for the most part) with where they are. They count down the hours left in the day until they can go home to their kids and understanding spouse.
But some of them have loved and lost. Divorced papers have been signed, child support has been paid, and "I get the kids this weekend" is what they're excited about come Friday night. Lovers and family have come and gone, but the only constant in their life is work. Sometimes I look at these men and wonder if I'll end up like them.
And I wonder, if it's all worth it.
People come from every corner of the globe with a sparkle in their eye, just begging for a chance to work in this business. And most of them get their asses handed to them. It's a tough town, but for some reason, I seem to be defying all odds and surviving. I'm making an okay living at it with no sign of slowing down.
But as we all know, things can change in an instant in this industry. What if this is as good as it's going to get for me? What if I never get to where I want to be in this business? What if I'm so busy trying to climb that ladder that I wake up twenty years from now and realize that I haven't gone anywhere. That life has passed me by because I was unwilling to give up a moment of work? Am I better off just bailing out now, get a regular 9 to 5 job and pop out some kids so I'd at least have something ten years down the line?
To get where you want to be professionally, I've been told that you need to put your head down and work hard. And in this crazy, fucked up business we're in and love, you're supposed to take every job that comes your way because you never know when the next one will come, and more importantly, you never know where it might lead. I've taken plenty of seemingly bullshit jobs over the years that have surprisingly ended up being some of the best decisions I've ever made for my career.
Right now, it seems like all I do is work. All I think about is work. Because, let's face it, besides the fact that I'm trying to work my way up as fast as possible, I love my job. I love this industry. I love what I do. Some of my co-workers may think of me as "boring" since I don't have any exciting hobbies to go home to over the weekend, but while they work to live, right now, I guess I live to work.
But a small part of me, just a tiny little piece, believes there's a chance that sometime in the future, I'll look around and realize I didn't make it. That I'm still doing the same job, only now I work to live instead of the other way around. That I sacrificed my youth for a dream that didn't pan out. That I've been so busy working on a go-nowhere career over the years that I forgot I was supposed to get someone to come home to.
And that I'll sit around and wonder, was it all worth it?
♥ Happy Valentine's, Y'all! ♥