"Awesome = Happy."

Another page from my journal. When I look back at this entry, my first thought is how naive I was. My second thought is that sometimes, I still feel the same way...

Spring, 2007

I've been pretty happy these past few days. Even though I'm out in the middle of nowhere with all those bugs in the hot sun,* there's a sense of accomplishment at the end of the day. And honestly, despite all my bruises and complaining, what else would I be doing? Sitting by myself at home, wasting whatever money I have left in my bank account?

Plus, this month has been really good for my career... Or ego boost. [Producer #1] fought really hard to to keep me as part of the crew for [music video], and although I do feel bad for bailing on [Producer #2] it felt really good to be appreciated even for a little bit. Plus, [DP for Producer #1] is awesome.**

And [project where I was a department head for the first time] shot this month as well, and I totally rocked that shoot!*** I was so on the ball and authoritative sounding on that first day that I even surprised myself!

Plus, I'm getting kind of excited about [Producer #3's] project, although it is kind of scary and very intimidating. But hopefully, when the time comes, I'll rock that one as well. ****

Despite my apartment being a mess, my dirty dishes sitting in the sink, and my clothes being smelly, I really like it when I open up my day planner and see my schedule booked up day after day.

That = Awesome. Awesome = Happy.

*That's where we were shooting.

** I ditched a gig from Producer #2 to work for Producer #1 because Producer #1 seemed more legit and promised me paying jobs in the future. It turns out that while I did make the right choice (according to my sources, Producer #2's project was hellish and then she was never heard from again), Producer #1 was nothing more than a sweet talker. He knew all the right things to say to lure me in and gain my loyalty, but he ended up turning his back on me when he got those better gigs. However, I still stand by the statement that his DP is awesome.

***I totally did.

****It was another job where I held a key role. I was awesome during pre-production of the project and totally rocked the shoot... But like so many projects, it all fell apart in post.  :(